My partner of 2 years had a one night stand with a guy and got pregnant. We hadn;t been seeing so much of each other, and I admit she did not get a good deal out of me, but I was always with her and never ever thought she's cheat. I trusted her.
Not - I have tried to forgive her. The trouble is, whenever I drive past her old work where they met, I cringe, when I drive past where he works now, I cringe. I can't watch any TV with her, because there are contstant reminders of affairs and pregnancies, so we have to watch bloody documentaries. I can't get in her car because he was in it. I can't have sex with her in the missionary position because I imagine thats how he did it. She can't even say anything like "can I have ketchup ont he side" because I imagine her havign him on the side. Now it turns out she got pregnant and panicked and had an abortion, after she found out she was pregnant they went out for a drink so she could 'tell him; or 'get support' or whatever but she didn';t tell him; I went to see him and told him now everyone knows.
I can't get rid of the daily constant reminders - it crucifies me.
I desperately love her, and my children desperately love her and would be heartbroken if we broke up - and I know she now realises she loves me and I don't think she would do it again - but I cant get past it.
I want her to do something to put ti right but she just carries on, she would never mention it if I didn't bring it up. What do I want her to do to put it right? I don't know but I want her to do something? Pleasetell me what she could do to ease the pain as it hurts me so much. I think of nothing else, I can't stand sleeping with her by my side, I am in such a mess and cant get out of it. Please somebody, other than dumping her (she is my last chance - too many failed relationships that hurt) and I dont want anybody else - i really dont. What can we do to work at this? Will time ease the pain? Please somebody - what can she do to help me get over it? Help!!|||Dump her. Don't hang on with a cheater, it's not fair for anybody. It would take a lot of effort for you to get past the resentment and you might not be able to. Plus, if you are nervous about it, she'll probably just cheat again. Also, you say you children like her, but she's let you down horribly, don't let her get closer to them so she can hurt them in some way too.|||She can't do anything to help you get over it. Only you can control your emotions, and learn to deal.|||If you can't get past what happened - you need to break up and move on. Holding on to all this resentment is only going to allow it to build up and make things ugly in the long run.
If you can't get past what happened on your own and you want to be with this person - get some counseling as a COUPLE so you can both regroup and move on from the experience as a stronger team.|||i suggest you move on your not good for each other.|||Dude, you're really talking out of both sides of your mouth, so I don't have much sympathy for you. First off, you clearly did not have a close relationship. You say yourself you didn't see much of each other, and that she didn't get much out of you. You've been with your "partner" (whatever that is) for 2 years; she is not your wife, not your fiance, but she's your, what, fu*k buddy? Did you even have a formal expectation of exclusivity?
So here's this chick you're just using, so she behaves in a manner consistent with not being in much of a relationship, and now you freak out? I don't think you have a leg to stand on.
Y'all need to drop back and punt. Start dating again rather than shacking up. Go to couples counseling. Have long talks about what kind of a relationship you want to have with each other and how you want the future to unfold. In short, this seems to be the wake-up call you need to stop merely drifting along in this relationship, and instead start charting a course for it.|||You never know when another "dumpster" will come around. I would split.|||You are the one that needs to forgive her and if you truly forgive her then you can get past it. I know it's easier said than done. But you say that you love her and don't want anyone else. Then do that. Forgive her and let it go man before it destroys you and your relationship. We all make mistakes. You are not perfect either. None of us are perfect. It is gonna drive you over the edge if you don't get a grip on your feelings about this. It is now in the past, LET IT GO. Stop with the cringing every time you think about the guy when you pass by his place of work and so on. You need to do this before you lose her. (smile)|||I want to tell you that in time you will get over it. For me I could forgive but not forget. We stayed together for about a year after he cheated but it was never the same, I just couldn't forget it. Every time we had sex it would think about him with her. If he was late coming home from work I would panic and imagine he was with her. It ruined the relationship because there was no trust left. There isn't anything you can do to change what happened and neither can she, maybe come counseling would help. Please don't think she is your last chance, because I also thought that too but I'm now married to a wonderful man. Best wishes and many blessings|||When you make a mistake and you know you have in the past to somebody didn't you want forgiveness especially if you hurt someone you love.
Yes she made a mistake it is obvious you are the one she wants to be with. She has already paid dearly for this mistake. Don't you think everytime she sees your child have a birthday she will be reminded of the child she aborted. She will forever think what would he or she looked like what would they have become. She will be forever tortured over this mistake. You don't have to torture her anymore.
She will forever have lasting consequences for her actions.
The hardest thing to do it forgive but we ourselves always want to be forgiven so if you desire to be forgiven in the future because we are humans and we will always make mistakes and desire to be forgiven step up to this plate and forgive. I did not say forget you will never forget but time will take care of that wound.
The longer you carry this grudge the longer you miss out on her love for you. Which one do you want more remorse strife struggle or love you pick.
Remember she will pay this penalty for the rest of her life with or without you.
If you pick forgiveness you must restrain form bringing it up over and over that is only damaging to your relationship. Maybe you could go to counseling that might help you some.
If you are religious pray and ask the Lord to help you overcome this obstacle. You are not the first couple to go through this nor the last but it does not have to be the end of your relationship. You have the ball bounce or drop it.
As for sex with her whatever he did was not that impressive or she would still be there don't you think? He got dumped.
He probably talked a good game but the real deal was he was not you and he was not what she wanted after all. Even if it meant you finding out and treating her like crap just to have you back . Think on that.|||The most important question is do you want to stay with her? If yes then you need to try and get beyond this. Easier said than done. Whatever you do realize it is in the past and focus on the present. i hope she has been remorseful for this action. If not RUN BABY RUN|||If you really love her and want to work things out I recommend couple's counseling. There are a lot of deep issues that need to be addressed. If she won't go with you then I would say there is little hope. If you keep all these feelings bottled up it will eventually erode your relationship away to nothing.
Good luck to both of you.|||the only thing you can do is accept the fact that this has happened and 'forgive and forget'...
or just end it.
If you continue with her and don't 'forgive and forget' it will ruin the relationship and start to resent everything about it and her.
Think long and hard about what you want. If you truly love her and want to be with her, then it's time to forgive her.|||This is what I see, too many failed relationships, that says a lot. You are not going to find Mr. Phil here, what you need is to look up your medical package at work and find a couselor that can help you, let your partner know what you are doing since this will require both of you to attend to be effective. don't let it past another minute if you real;y care about her.
*******I AM IN THE PLAYPEN WITH SWEET MILDRED*****|||There's only one thing you need to remember here.
Only you can control your feelings. Not her. It's up to you if
you want to completely forgive her or live a life of misery.|||i am so sorry that this happened to you...
but it happened and the is no way you can go back in time. your in a really shitty situation bc face it...you have two choices. stay with her or break up. if you stay with her you will NEVER forget this happened...you might move past it but there will be a part of you that will still be hurt from all this. no matter how much you guys work on it. and if you decide to break up....its not going to be easy either...its going to be very hard bc like you said...you love her a lot, and your children love her a lot too.
so either way you go it will be hard.
i think there are many couples out there that deal with this type of situation, and somehow on the outside they move past it and look ok. i think in the inside they are still hurt and a part of them has been broken.
i have always told myself....if i ever get cheated on i will leave. no questions about it, no matter how hard it is and will be. and i think everyone should do that bc if someone loves you with their whole heart they would never have sex with anyone but you. and if they are able to go through it and actually sleep with someone besides you....there was something missing for that split moment where they decided it would be OK to cheat.
I think you need to move on, because after all this there might be someone waiting who would never cheat on you and make you even happier that she ever did. I know you probably dont see that right now but with stuff like this you just have to throw it out the window and start something new.
anyways....if you chose to stay with her i hope things get better, and i hope it never happens again.
good luck!!
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