I am posting this question again simply because I would like more opinions on this please.....So here's the thing, I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now and we've had our differences and our ups and downs. He's ten years older than me so he's obviously had several relationships before me. But he is my first boyfriend. He's also been on several one night stands. I knew this from the beginning and I am okay with that I am not one to judge although we are very different in that way, I lost my virginity to him and for me, sex comes only with love I wouldn't want to sleep with anyone if I wasn't in a loving relationship. I have excepted that we are different in that way and I don't think bad of anything he's done because he like many people enjoyed one night stands...Today we were out shopping, and he ended up bumping into a woman he knew who worked in the shop we were in. I assumed it was an old friend or an ex girlfriend whilst they chatted and exchanged numbers. As we came out the shop I asked him casually, "Was that an ex girlfriend?" And he replied sniggering "Well no I wouldn't call it that, we got drunk one night and did it." I was obviously rather speechless as i'd just watched them exchanged mobile numbers and arrange to meet up. I got very upset and felt a jealousy come over me and felt awkward. He went on to say that they worked together for a while and she was a lovely lady. When we got home I discussed it with him in a mature manor, and I didn't start yelling or getting carried away, I simply said that I felt a bit uncomfortable with what had happened; not the fact he'd had a drunken one night stand, but the fact that he'd arranged to meet up with this woman right in front of my face. He got angry and told me I was being far too sensitive and made me feel stupid. I talked about this to some of my friends and they agreed that that was not okay and that he shouldn't be doing this regardless of if he used to work with her, my friends agree it's extremely insensitive. I would not mind as much if he was keeping in touch with a past ex girlfriend that he's had a proper relationship with, because that's expected when you've loved and known a person so well. I feel upset and i'm unsure of how to act or what to do. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I'd greatly appreciate some opinions please, thanks.|||I like to look at the positive side for this incident then discuss th negatives dear. first of all, I really respect your values and maturity as they are rare in this life. the way you dealt with this situation is superior.
I want to mention the big positive that comes from this. well, it happened infront of your eyes so no one can deny it, make excuses, or lie about it. also, its better that you know how he acts rather than being fooled for a while. plus it happened before having kids and marriage.
the biggest issue here is you losing your virginity to him. for women, they usually really love their first sexually and spiritually. but, if he was experienced, and you say he is, then you must know that most of time, I repeat, most of the time not always, bad women or "sluts" are better in bed and offer men a flirtacious personality and attract men by being out going, not shy, and seductive. this is dangerous because she is obviously willing to do one night stands. you are in a bad situation dear because I don't think he loves you as much as you love him
Advice: arrange for another talk with him, and be the same way like last time, no yelling or anger and ask and discuss the following with complete honesty:
1) what is the exact reason for him wanting to know her? does he need more friends?
2) is he satsified with your love making?
3) is there something he does not like in your personality?
4) what does he plan to do with her number?
5) discuss your feelings and request politely for him to gid ridd of the number and that way he can't say that you did not warn him if god forbid something happens.
there is another plan that works most of the time, it is called "an eye for an eye", start calling guy friends right infront of him, text, maybe arrange for a hangout, simply make him jealous. most guys can't handle it if a girl does that but they are okay if they do it. if he says that it is no big deal then give him some of his own medicine without obviously sleeping around.
if you want to talk, go to my profile and email me or IM.
good luck,
T|||this is too long. go ask your friends, people online dont care.|||..................|||dump him, hes a jerk-
if you wanna be mean***-find her number and confront her. tell her to stay away
and talk to him again- tell him he cant blow important things off|||Wow, thats a lot of writing there, i could read it - but i don't care.|||It's natural to be upset about that.
The best way to handle it would be to tell him that you understand he wants to have a friendship with this girl and you'd like to try to build one with her too. Tell him that when he meets up with her you want to go along.|||This feeling will hunt you long as youre together. This is not good with your relationship, I can't say you're being selfish. But, you know that if this thing keeps on hunting you. Find a new guy that you can trust not just to have *** if that 'I lost my virginity to him' thing is the only excuse that you don't want to leave him then think again.
Just my humble opinion.|||Im sorry but your boyfriend's behavior is simply disrespectful. Him taking that number in front of you and planning another rendezvous is disgusting. And the fact that he made you feel worse after you brought it up shows how much he doesn't respect you or care for you. As for the openness of your relationship, i think you should reconsider that because it is obviously beginning to affect you in one way or the other. Think about that whole thing and decide if you really are ok with him having random one night stands. It sounds like you two have different standards on love and sex and that's important. You said that sex comes only in love, but he doesn't seem to feel that way. I think you need some space and time to really think what you what from your boyfriend and if its worth continuing that relationship.|||I can see why you're upset about this, but you've been dating this guy for a year and a half presumably without him ever cheating on you, and he did this number exchange right in front of you. He was honest about sleeping with that woman once a long time ago. He's not trying to hide anything, and it doesn't sound like he is going to cheat on you. He may have only slept with her once, but she was a friend of his at work, so it's not like he only knows her from one night of sex. I think you are overreacting to this. This woman doesn't sound like a threat at all. Ask yourself why it is that you're so concerned over this. Are there other reasons why you don't trust your boyfriend? Are you feeling insecure about the relationship?|||You are way too nice to be with this guy. What you felt was right and reasonable. He might be ten years older than you, but he's immature, silly, insensitive and down right insulting. He's giving you a message. hear to it and leave while your sanity and brains are still intact. What he did is wrong, please trust your instincts and values.|||Well, it's obvious he doesn't thing there is anything wrong with his behavior. It doesn't matter what all your friends think, don't throw that in his face. Only your and his opinions matter. Being a guy, I can also tell you you're not going to change his mind. In his eyes, he did nothing wrong. He ran into an old friend and wanted to catch up with her. "Drunken one night stand" doesn't mean anything. He didn't try to hide anything from you, no deception or cheating. Us guys are a whole lot better at doing a chick and carrying on like nothing happened. Bedsides, they worked together for a while. Try seeing things from his perspective, and I think you will feel a lot less hurt.
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