She had a one night stand and an abortian - help me!!?

My partner of 2 years had a one night stand with a guy and got pregnant. We hadn;t been seeing so much of each other, and I admit she did not get a good deal out of me, but I was always with her and never ever thought she's cheat. I trusted her.

Not - I have tried to forgive her. The trouble is, whenever I drive past her old work where they met, I cringe, when I drive past where he works now, I cringe. I can't watch any TV with her, because there are contstant reminders of affairs and pregnancies, so we have to watch bloody documentaries. I can't get in her car because he was in it. I can't have sex with her in the missionary position because I imagine thats how he did it. She can't even say anything like "can I have ketchup ont he side" because I imagine her havign him on the side. Now it turns out she got pregnant and panicked and had an abortion, after she found out she was pregnant they went out for a drink so she could 'tell him; or 'get support' or whatever but she didn';t tell him; I went to see him and told him now everyone knows.

I can't get rid of the daily constant reminders - it crucifies me.

I desperately love her, and my children desperately love her and would be heartbroken if we broke up - and I know she now realises she loves me and I don't think she would do it again - but I cant get past it.

I want her to do something to put ti right but she just carries on, she would never mention it if I didn't bring it up. What do I want her to do to put it right? I don't know but I want her to do something? Pleasetell me what she could do to ease the pain as it hurts me so much. I think of nothing else, I can't stand sleeping with her by my side, I am in such a mess and cant get out of it. Please somebody, other than dumping her (she is my last chance - too many failed relationships that hurt) and I dont want anybody else - i really dont. What can we do to work at this? Will time ease the pain? Please somebody - what can she do to help me get over it? Help!!She had a one night stand and an abortian - help me!!?one word: birth controlShe had a one night stand and an abortian - help me!!?
They way you are living is not healthy. Almost everything in your daily life reminds you and upsets you about what they did. Don't settle for her just because of past failed relationships. There are women out there who will be faithful and not put you through this mess. Sometimes it takes time to heal but if it bothers you this much maybe you should move on. I'm sure this is affecting your parenting a little, and your children want happy parents more then anything.She had a one night stand and an abortian - help me!!?As cliche as it sounds, time does heal all. It may not truly heal the pain but her actions to prove that it was a mistake and that she truly loves you and will never do it again will make it better over time.
Dear Jack..what you are feeling is what every person who has been cheated on has ever felt...hurt, betrayal, rage, jealousy and dispair. She broke the bond of trust that you two had together, so all these feelings are totally justified. You are concentrating on the other man, but you really need to concentrate on why she cheated on you in the first place. What kind of relationship do you two really have? Was she bored? Was it a moment of opportunity for her? Has she told you why or what her reasoning was? This lady has brought on a lot of hurt to you...has she apologized and promised that it will not happen again? If it did happen again, how would you feel? There are no guarantees that people will remain faithful. Even with the best intentions, people can get caught up in it. They may feel neglected or need attention, or it can be for nothing but their own ego.



The choice is yours really. If you truly do not want to end it with this woman, then you have to be prepared to mentally put it out of your mind and move on with her. Can you do this? If you don't, then the relationship has no chance. There is no one magic thing this woman can do to make you feel secure or better. Only time and trust can do that. It will take a long time to rebuild the trust you had before...and maybe it will never happen. You have control over this situation and it is your decision. But you not only have your feelings to worry about, you also mention your children...so keep in mind that your decision affects them too.



I wouldn't let your past pain and failure dictate your actions now. We all get hurt, we all have past pain in relationships. Don't settle. What she did was dispicable. Do you really think that this would not happened again? The key is to why she cheated on you after only two years...you will find your answer in her answer.



The best to you...I feel your pain.She had a one night stand and an abortian - help me!!?Marriage Counseling.



She needs to confess everything to you.

You need to ask all the excoriating and detailed questions you can stand about what they did. Take a few days, even a few weeks to go over everything. Once you are satisfied, never bring it up again.



You get to check-up on her all the time, any time you want.

It sounds like she quit and got a new job that's a good start.

She must break all contact with him.



Together you must address what is lacking in your relationship that lead her to stray. Whatever the reason(s) she ought to still be extremely remorseful. She could have come to you to address the problems instead of leaning on and then bringing another man into it.She had a one night stand and an abortian - help me!!?
time always heals old wounds, sounds 2 me like you both have alot of issues that have 2 be worked out. this a tough thing 2 get passed. maybe start thinking of the things that made you fall in love w/ her 2 begin w/. and visa-versa apparently there something lacking in your relationship. she strayed 4 some reason. bring the romance back.
I agree with MM. You can't go back and undo the past. You can only decide whether you want to work through it or move on. Sometimes Counseling can be helpful. Find a way to change your focus. Time only helps is you are replacing the old memories with "new" positive memories. You'll never forget it. If you can talk about what bothered you most, you can get through it. The mistakes happen when both parties try to ignore it - as if nothing ever happened. It's okay to acknowledge the pain caused by this. It can actually strengthen the relationship and help to get rid of the insecure feelings. As for the trust......that takes time. She'll have to be accountable and earn that.She had a one night stand and an abortian - help me!!?
You need to get with a therapist and get this out of your system.

In the end, you may still choose to leave this relationship; but still --

you need to STOP spinning on this in your head.

And keep this in mind:

She ended a pregnancy.

Her choice: yes.

But STILL. She is carrying a heavy, heavy burden right now.

SOOOOOOOO much more than what you *think* you're going thru right now.

You have no idea what the woman's perspective on this is, Honey.

None whatsoever.
You can't ask her to "put it right." For one thing, the deed's already done; she can't undo it. For another, the issues you're having are your issues, not hers. You need to decide whether you can forgive and move on - and if you can't, then you just plain need to move on.
I am so sorry for you!!!! time will heal your pain, You may forgive but you will never forget!!! I almost cheated But I did Not!!! because I love my husband so much!!! And glad I didnot!!! You may need counceling!!! Or talk to your Pastor!!! When something like this happens Pray,Pray.Pray!! it does help!!!! Good Luck
You chose to forgive her and stay with her, but in all actuallity your not doing that. Your holding on to it and keeping it with you. That trust that was broken has to be earned back by her. Such as her staying home with you more, or her being open with phone calls, texts, emails, whatever. I understand you b/c when I went through this w/ my man I resented him sooooo much for hurting me and giving what was suppose to be MINE away to another. But this is what I did, I was sad for a little while, then I was sooo angry, then after I decided that he was truly sorry I decided to forgive. And that is what I did. I sat him down and said "This is going to be the LAST time we talk about this, but I need answers before I can completely let this go" so we sat and talked about it, in detail. And I promised myself that I wouldn't throw it back up in his face after that. Somehow after a while I was able to stop thinking about those details that you are thinking about. I was able to look at him without thinking about HER. I was able to touch him without wondering if that is how SHE touched him. That hurt went away. I hope it does the same for you. It CAN if you let it, but you have to really try and let it go. If it's been more than a month or so and you still think about it then maybe it is something that you just can't get over. And if she isn't doing anything to try and prove herself then she obviously doesn't care, so you need to ask yourself if it is worth it. I know you say there is no one else out there for you, and your tired of failed relationships, but think about it. She is NOT your last chance. She is obviously not the only person capable of loving you and your children.
Dude, you're really talking out of both sides of your mouth, so I don't have much sympathy for you. First off, you clearly did not have a close relationship. You say yourself you didn't see much of each other, and that she didn't get much out of you. You've been with your "partner" (whatever that is) for 2 years; she is not your wife, not your fiance, but she's your, what, fu*k buddy? Did you even have a formal expectation of exclusivity?



So here's this chick you're just using, so she behaves in a manner consistent with not being in much of a relationship, and now you freak out? I don't think you have a leg to stand on.



Y'all need to drop back and punt. Start dating again rather than shacking up. Go to couples counseling. Have long talks about what kind of a relationship you want to have with each other and how you want the future to unfold. In short, this seems to be the wake-up call you need to stop merely drifting along in this relationship, and instead start charting a course for it.